As I was on the train on my way to the lioness conference I was feeling down, I have been feeling down for a couple of days. Sometimes I feel up, and sometimes I feel down, the inconsistency of my emotions is tiring and frustrating.
In November I went to the second day of the RCN London women's conference with Mama Dinna Osayi. I was not sure whether I should go or not. The first reason was financial, I spent far too much in November. And the second reason was that I was tired and it was cold and I was feeling down. As I was on my bed thinking about whether I should go or not, I felt that I should go but the reasons for me to stay at home and watch it online were “stronger” than the reason why I should brave/defy the cold.
Unfortunately far too often it is difficult to hear and obey the instruction of the Holy Spirit when you have resigned yourself to do whatever appears to be more convenient, and less demanding to you. But surely if you are sensitive to the prompting of the Holy Spirit you will feel a type of unrest, whether you want to align and obey or not, the choice is yours.
As I was still pondering whether I should go or not I checked my WhatsApp and it happened that someone shared in the RCN group a video of 2 women who by their prayers prevented an armed robbery, and emphasize on the importance of being present. That video was what I needed and I decided to go.
I brave the tiredness, and the cold but I was not able to brave my feelings. And as I was sitting on the train I was feeling down for feeling down, for my lack of consistency, for this roller coaster that my life had been.
You may ask, why was I feeling down? Well, I had 2 openings for an operational type of job which is something I always wanted to do. One within my company for emerging markets and another one with a risk management company both I am interested in. I was anxious and almost missed the opportunity because I did not know whether I should go for the interview or not, if it was an open door from God, or if it was. a trick from the enemy?
I could not hear God’s voice and I felt confused.
And as I felt confused and distressed I did what I usually do... I looked for distractions to not have to think about it (aka Netflix) and did not respond to the emails to set up an interview. I self-sabotage myself...
On Thursday as I called my friend for our weekly prayer, I exposed the situation to her and she encourage me to go forth with the two applications and to pray to God to open the door for what was His will and to close what was not His will. Because she believed a door had been opened in this season of my life and if I did not take this opportunity, who knew when those opportunities would arise again? So I decided to follow her advice and set up a date for the interview without any real conviction.
But on my way to the conference on Saturday, I felt torn between that mixture of feelings. Why each time I feel good something is dragging me down why I cannot be content, and why does it seem there is uncertainty around me and within me? I was irritated by my inconsistency.
During the conference Mama Dinna Osayi talked about the importance of prayer no matter what you are going through it can be a word you receive or a situation you are facing, "it is a place of prayer that you know to walk in that things" Mama Osayi. She emphasises on the importance of learning for ourselves what God is saying, to acquaint ourselves with the Word of God. She talked about her experience and the importance of pressing into the place of prayer and enquiring to God. As she was sharing her testimony
I went to the conference feeling down and left the conference feeling energised As we are coming to the end of the year and there were things I was hoping for that did not happen, things that I was supposed to do that I haven't finished, I will keep on prayer and building my altar and keep on walking in the path God has laid ahead of me. It is not over until it's over.
I pray that as we are coming to the end of the year you will not feel discouraged because there were things you have been praying for that have not come to pass yet. I pray that you will keep on pressing and get ready because it is not over until it's over.
Amen
Stay blessed!
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